Not paying attention to your environment and how you affect others might cause you unhappiness. We all want to know that our presence makes the people we love and care about happy. When nobody wants us around, it could mean that we make others feel bad. This could mean that we create a toxic environment. This article highlights some qualities that might make you toxic and how to stop being a toxic person. But first, I’ll give you a practical true story of one of my life.
TRIGGER WARNING
This story might include some expressions that you might find offensive, but I highly recommend that you read this piece.
A few years ago, I worked at a prestigious, serene, and pristine hospital with a group of wonderful therapists. My vehicle had broken down, so I had to walk a handsome distance from home to the bus station to get transportation.
One fine day, I walked into the clean airy department and the moment I sat in our small office at tea break, I smelt an offensive stench of excrement. And I exclaimed to the people in the office, “Can you smell that?”
“What?” I was asked by my workmates.
I wrinkled my nose, “That smell, something awful, like… excrement.”
While some acknowledged it, one of them said, “Actually, I smelt it the moment you had walked in.”
I took offence and just said, “Huh!”
A few minutes later, I walked out of the office offended, to attend to the patients that usually consisted of high profile well-to-do folks. I couldn’t imagine being the source of that smell. I kept thinking of how impossible it was because I considered myself a clean and careful being.
At lunchtime, I headed to my usual safe spot upstairs and when I pushed off my shoes to relax, the stench came on even stronger. I picked up my left shoe and looked beneath it. Oh, my word!!!
The whole bottom of it was plastered with a thin layer of excrement. Oh, the embarrassment! I thought of all the patients that I had been in contact with. Definitely, they had smelt it the moment I walked into a cubicle to attend to their aches and pains.
And to think, I spent roughly about 40 minutes with each patient. That’s 40 minutes in the company of a foul-smelling therapist! The Shame! If only I had listened when my workmate had said I might be the one with the foul smell. I could have done something about it before being embarrassed to rich affluent folks. And to think I’d be seeing them again the next day!
Now, my aim is not to get you negative about yourself and all. But right now, I want you to use the story above to provoke and challenge your mind over the course of your life.
And before I proceed, I feel it’s very important for me to mention that only good people seek self-improvement. Things may not be going on so well because perhaps you might have gotten some concepts mixed up. Or you might be holding on to certain toxic habits that misrepresent who you truly are. But if you are here reading this article, you are likely a very good person. Thumbs up to you and don’t stop seeking self-improvement until you become who you really feel you should be.
Enough of the chitchat, let’s get right into how to stop being a toxic person.
What is likely to make you a toxic person?
Remember how I had been carrying the excrement under my shoe but was the first one to complain about the offensive smell?
It’s similar to the possibility of being aware of the toxicity of your surroundings and yet not realize that you are the one in the wrong. If you refuse to identify for the purpose of change, you will carry on moving about hurting everyone around you; including yourself. So some qualities that might make one a toxic person might include;
- Self centeredness
- Lying
- Being judgemental
- Talking more than you listen
- Being manipulative and controling
- Negativity
- Not appologetic
- Being petty
- Sarcastic attitude
- Being extremly competitive
- Blaming others
- Having low self esteem
- Attention seeking
- Perfectionistic tendencies
- Thinking and talking bad about others
- Thinking and feeling you’re always right
- Being quick to point out errors in others
- Being over dependant
How to stop being a toxic person
Every course of action towards change starts with recognising and accepting the factor that needs to be changed. You need to identify what it is that makes you a toxic person. Sometimes, you might know without any external influence. But often, we are unaware that we might be doing something wrong until somebody complains or says something. So how can you stop being a toxic person?
Introspection
This is a good step if you want to stop being a toxic person around others. And it involves self-reflection. You examine your thoughts, emotions, feelings and reaction to yourself and others. Regular self-reflection will help you make changes that will last.
If you look inside of yourself and the consequences of your words or actions, and find that you may be the one at fault most of the time, don’t despair. Don’t call yourself names like trash, looser, dumb, stupid, or other mean words. It’s okay to make mistakes. Click here to learn how to go about introspection the right way.
Practice self-love
Self-love enables you to be compassionate and caring to yourself. You’ll treat yourself better, forgive yourself, and think positively about yourself. This will give you good vibes which will spread all around you. What’s more is, people tend to treat others the way they treat themselves. So if you treat yourself well and with respect, you will definitely treat others well. This will make you less toxic and even pleasant to hang around with. Practice self-love with these 16 practical ways.
Listen more
Before you speak or react, take a few seconds to think and try to understand the reason why someone has said or done something. As you think, try to see things from their perspective. That way, you will have fewer regrets in your interaction with others.
Also, take time to listen to advice once in a while. You can’t go about listening to what everybody says about what you must or must not do. That will cause you to will simply lose your identity and direction. You know what’s best for you, right?
But sometimes, it won’t hurt you to stop, listen and look around you. It will save you a lot of shame and help you to identify whether you might be a toxic person or your habits create a toxic environment for others.
Practice empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings and experiences of others. This must not be confused with sympathy which is feely pity or sorry for someone’s misfortune. Empathy is the cardinal link between self and others, the human side of humanity.
When you are empathetic, you try to understand others by putting yourself in their shoes. Imagining their pain and concerns and being sensitive to their feelings and perspectives.
Do to others what you want done to you
This is the golden rule, written in the bible and spoken across multiple religions and cultures. Before you say or do something to someone ask yourself how you can feel if it was said or done to you.
Practice forgiveness
Psychologists say forgiveness is more beneficial to you than the person that you are forgiving. Forgiveness gives you peace and releases you from so much bitterness and pain. Also when you have a grudge against someone especially someone you love, you are likely to have a certain toxic attitude about you towards them. Because subconsciously, all you want is just to hit back.
Stop trying to please everyone
Trying to please everyone deprives you of a defined personality and no one will really know who you are. In time, you will not know who you really are. If you want to stop being a toxic person, you need to stop trying to please people. Stand by your principles and values; stay true to yourself. Allow people to know the real you and give them a chance to choose if they like you or not. It’s okay if not so many people like you. What matters is you truly liking yourself.
Be aware of attention seeking tendancies
Attention seeking is something that puts most people off. It makes you look manipulative, self-centred, insecure, and needy. Some of these tendencies might include;
- Constant drama
- Self isolation
- Habitual lying
- Threatening or inflicting self harm
- Risky behaviour
- Rediculous social media posts
- Pretending not to know something
- Exergerating
Practice gratitude
Gratitude is the remedy to so many problems. And if you wish to stop being a toxic person, you might want to start being thankful. When you are thankful for every small good thing, you attract positivity toward you and you complain less.
Most people have a problem with someone who is always complaining. Surely there is some good you find somewhere in everything. Being grateful will open your eyes to more good things and you will realise that you are better off than most people. Learn how to practice gratitude here.
Be open to correction. Don’t take things too personal
You should understand the difference between positive and negative criticism. When you do, you will not cry at every little criticism that you get from people. Also, when people try to point out to you something, try to see it as a chance to learn and grow. Don’t take things too personal or perceive things as a personal attack on you.
Everybody needs feedback in life. Be it negative or positive. Use positive feedback to applause yourself and negative feedback to improve yourself. And don’t hate or cut off the bearer of the negative feedback unless it’s too frequent.
Practice postive, good thinking
Think positive good things about yourself, others, and the things around you. Did you know that your thoughts are not so private? Find out why in this article. Whatever you think of yourself and others manifest in your words, attitude, and actions. If you want to stop being a toxic person, think good thoughts and don’t spend too much time sulking.
Be truthful
Lying hurts the people that you love. You can agree to this if you have ever been lied to by someone you like or trust. Even if the truth might be ugly, just give it as it is. What’s uglier is deceit.
Thank you for sticking around, your feedback will be appreciated, drop a comment or share this article. Take care now.
